Managed to contain it.

Despite the fact that I do not feel good, I will attempt to write my daily post. I promised myself to write at least one poem and one post per day. Right now I’d rather be in bed covered up with my comforter instead of sitting in front of my computer.

I have to set boundaries and rules in my daily life otherwise I would be even more disorganized than I am. I have to set up rules as well for my blog, or nothing would get done or would it be all over the place.

So here I am feeling the depression poorly today, but regardless I want to share something with you that happened to me which ended up positively. It is nothing significant in the big scheme of things but demonstrates a radical change in my behavior.

We have been living for the past three weeks with only one car which is a logistical nightmare when the distance between the kids’ school, my wife school and my occasional trip to Geneva. We are talking about three hundred kilometers of drop-offs and pickups. It is incredible that it worked. I was calm and collected and kept my anxiety and depression in check. Honestly, I didn’t recognize myself. This a tremendous accomplishment for me and for once I am taking credit for it. The rest of the family too deserves credit as they had to wait sometimes hours before being picked up.

The car stayed so long in the garage as they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Their computer wasn’t showing any sign of any problem. I was in a tight spot for quite some time as they were eluding to the fact that the car would end up in the junkyard. This to me wasn’t an option as I surely can’t afford another car, even a cheap used one.

I ended up talking to the owner and told him that they have no other option but to find the problem as I didn’t have another option. He’s a great guy, and I trust him, he told me that he’d talk to his mechanic. The car runs great, it was built to last, and it would honestly be a shame if it couldn’t be fixed and it as it has a lot of miles left in it. You can imagine the anxiety level that I have been in for these past few weeks as I truly cannot afford any other vehicles and even an expensive repair. But I managed to stay fairly calm while this was going on.

Suddenly, Wednesday they had a breakthrough. They believed to have found the problem. The repairs aren’t too pricey nevertheless it is expensive for us but could be worse. I hope that it is what they say it is. Anyway, I felt that so much stress and anxiety has been lifted from my chest. I am going to pick up the car later on today.

I don’t know how I had been able to handle this situation for so long, sometimes I feel that my deep depression put the anxiety in the back burner, but it is usually the reverse for me. Maybe I am becoming better at dealing with adversity since I am confronted by it daily now.

“When there is a will there is a way.”

 

Peace and serenity

Lawrence