Poem; Judged

17 July 2018 ~ Lawrence Illoc ~ 8 Comments

You must be careful. When mentioning your illness. You need to trust whom you’ll tell. Otherwise, it’ll come back like a revolving door. How can I say it? Because I lived it more than once. It hurts. It hurts the most. With whom I thought were my closest friends. On the other side of the … Continue reading Poem; Judged

Poem; the rock.

16 July 201816 July 2018 ~ Lawrence Illoc ~ 10 Comments

I was called the rock. My lips were tied by a lock. Nothing could crack me. Nobody would break me. Until the day the rock shattered. Life as I knew it ended. I don’t want and can’t fight anymore. But I have no choice, I have to battle some more. Peace and serenity Lawrence … Continue reading Poem; the rock.

Poem; Veil of darkness.

15 July 201816 July 2018 ~ Lawrence Illoc ~ 5 Comments

I feel the veil of darkness as the night is settling in. It is getting tighter and restrictive Around my chest and throat. It prevents me from sleeping Sure hope it won’t go any further I think I know what it is And hope that I am wrong. Peace and serenity Lawrence Copyright … Continue reading Poem; Veil of darkness.

I don’t know how to deal with this!

15 July 2018 ~ Lawrence Illoc ~ 19 Comments

I have a huge issue that I’d like to share with you. I need to work on a bad habit which probably comes from all my years of trading. Which is that I need to deal with everything right away. This puts unnecessary stress on my daily life and raises my anxiety and, strangely, procrastination … Continue reading I don’t know how to deal with this!

Poem; I hate myself.

14 July 201814 July 2018 ~ Lawrence Illoc ~ 15 Comments

I am furious with myself. I don’t know what triggered it. I am angry with myself. I am angry with the life I have. I am angry about the life I had and lost. Anger takes you nowhere. I understand it, but I cannot stop it. I look in the rearview mirror. And see what … Continue reading Poem; I hate myself.

Poem; A smooth day.

13 July 201813 July 2018 ~ Lawrence Illoc ~ 4 Comments

This morning. I was awakened at 5h35 By a gentle summer breeze. It brushed my face carefully. This put me in a good mood. Today was l smooth day. Everything went my way. Have I been touched by an angel? Peace and serenity Lawrence Illoc Copyright July 2018

Poem; Mental mess.

12 July 2018 ~ Lawrence Illoc ~ 8 Comments

Mental illness. Mental mess. Chronically ill. Where is the thrill? There is none. There isn’t any fun. Just misery. Brought me to me via anxiety. Which creates more havoc. What’ else can I do Doc? Before it’s too late. Before I dissipate. Peace and serenity Lawrence Copyright July 2018

Poem; Jasmine tea.

12 July 201812 July 2018 ~ Lawrence Illoc ~ 3 Comments

This wonderful tea, what a pleasure. To have such gift from Asia to treasure. The scent of freshly brewed tea. Is second to none for me. If gold were to have a flavour. This tea should have the honour Peace and serenity Lawrence Copyright July 2018

Poem; Outdoors.

10 July 201810 July 2018 ~ Lawrence Illoc ~ 4 Comments

Go outside early in the morning. Sit down in the forest. Listen to nature waking up. It is magical. You hear insects flying. You hear some activity. Maybe some birds flying. The sound of branches breaking. Tell me that there is life out there. Perhaps a deer. The leaves are flickering The sun is starting … Continue reading Poem; Outdoors.

Poem; A good night rest.

9 July 2018 ~ Lawrence Illoc ~ 2 Comments

A good night rest Makes you feel you’re at your best It is priceless to wake up rested Unlike the nights when I wrestled. I wish it could protect me from triggers If only it could shield me from this problem, the biggest. This morning is quiet; I listen to the birds singing Another priceless … Continue reading Poem; A good night rest.