Poem; Still in a rut.

Stuck in a rot

I felt and thought to be invincible.

Nothing could ever happen to me.

Then life sent me a curveball.

Which threw me out of the game.

I had tried to get back into it!

But no such luck.

Now I am still stuck in a rut.

I am losing hope and strength.

Dark thoughts are back.

I am hanging on.

Keeping in mind the devastation,

And de pain I would cause to my family.

I am still fighting to stay alive.

With all of the strength that I possess.

I am trying to turn things around.

With very little hope.

As I am tired.


Peace and serenity

Lawrence Illoc Copyright © August 2018




15 thoughts on “Poem; Still in a rut.

  1. Lovely poem, so heartfelt as always, Lawrence. You should just correct one little distraction error on these two lines:

    “Then life through me a curve ball

    Which through me out of the game.”

    You should replace the word “through” (preposition) with “threw” (past tense of throw). It is interesting. They are homophones so when the poem is read aloud the meaning will not be affected.

    Please, keep fighting despite being tired and never lose hope! Psychotherapy would help you very much along with the meds. A friend of mine, who is a pyschologist also specialized in psychiatry, told me so. You said the problem is you don’t have enough money for the therapy nor does your family. However, I think you could organize a crowdfounding campaign on your blog to get help from us all. You currently have 412 followers so, if every one of us contributes with just a little bit of money depending on each person’s possibilities, say 5 to 15 euros, perhaps that would do. What do yo think? I don’t know it might sound crazy but you need this help and would feel so much better. Besides, it would be just some help to pay for the treatment initially. Do you still work as an English teacher? I don’t know the wages you get in your country (is it Switzerland? I can’t remember). In Catalonia we have had and are still having cuttings, but our wages are still higher than in other jobs. Imagine the combination of your wages or, in case you have paid sick leave, plus the money of your crowdfounding campaign. I think it should work. What do you think?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello there,
      I apologize for my late reply as I was busy with other things.
      Thank you so much for catching my silly mistake and will correct rigth after message.
      Thank you so much for your thoughts regarding my therapy.
      After your last message regaring my illness, I did some digging.
      Because of my condition which qualify under French law as an incurablem illness, I get free healthcare regarding my bipolarity, Doctors, psychologist and medicine are totally free of charges.
      Take you for caring so much

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, that’s excellent news! Then you don’t need any crowdfounding to access psychotherapy. Believe me, this is very important as my friend said. And keep writing your beautiful poems. That’s pleasure and therapy too. Have a lovely weekend!

        Liked by 1 person

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