What was your reaction when you were first told?

When I was first told that I was suffering from an incurable illness. I didn’t know what to say or do, so I sat there, shocked.

I managed to ask the doctor if he could repeat what he had just said as I was in total disbelief.

He softly told me that I was suffering from an illness call bipolarity and more precisely of type II, rapid cycles with an affective disorder combined with an anxiety disorder. He carried on to explain that it can be managed fairly effectively with a good treatment as well as a healthy lifestyle.

He continued his explanation of the diagnostic and how he came up to such conclusion. He also said that my reaction is totally normal and it will take some time to digest it and even longer to accept it.

He was right it took a long time, a good three years, if not more to truly accept it.

Once I digested the fact that I had an incurable illness; the reactions kicked in. I had all sort of feelings flying around such as fear, anger, powerless and so on. I didn’t know what to do. I was aware that I had managed to live with it before. But now that I had a massive breakdown and being on a medical leave which lasted six months where I ended up losing my job.

At this point, I had no future, not in private banking as the word goes around quickly and is obviously twisted to my disadvantage. My psychiatrist even wrote to the senior partner and begged him to hire me back as the consequences could be catastrophic. They ignored his plea which resulted in the catastrophic situations that we are in right now.

Facing the fact that I was affected by an incurable illness generated all sort of different feelings such as hopelessness, powerlessness, and anxiety. Today after all these years of ups and downs and different treatments I can say that I have learned how to deal or handle most situations. Having said, I have spent the past two days in bed and depressed and anxiety-ridden. Like I said it is incurable and evolving all the time which makes it intolerable at times.

The key is to keep faith in what is to come which is what I’m trying to do. The forces will prevail. I need to be patient and strong which is easier said than done. After the past two days, I am focusing on positive things as small as they may be.

We all know what we are dealing with and through willpower and proper care, we should be able to live without being troubled by it, too much. Well knowing that nothing is written in stone as far as bipolarity in concerned.

Peace and serenity

Lawrence

 

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