I am not giving in or giving up. I don’t have the strength right now, and I hope it’ll come back soon as I have so many unsolved issues that I can’t just ignore.
But as of now, I am exhausted and depressed.
I was told by many to stop being to hard on myself, so I’m trying. I was probably awake for about four hours in the past 24. Try to gather the energy that I need to have to face reality. It is tough for me to try to relax when you have all these crucial problems.
The anxiety is probably what is going to kill me. I feel that it is. For me, it is the root of all evil. This disorder of mine has been and still is eating me up. I worry constantly. I probably worry even as I sleep since I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. You have no idea how feed up I am with this, to continually battle within me and the outside world. Some days I feel that I am going to die out of exhaustion.
I’m forcing myself to type this post as it could be of help to someone as it is written: “live.” I am depleted in more ways than one; emotionally and financially. It is the financial problems linked with the day to day as well as having this car problem that put me into this state.
I have to find solutions; I’ve made an appointment with the bank to see how we can solve this situation, I’ve called a realtor to have a rough estimate of the price of my house, and I had questions regarding the likelihood of selling it. All these questions are pulling me apart. It is hard not to have any family where you can turn to and ask for help. I cannot do it with friends as I will end up losing the few that I have left.
As you can read, I dug myself into a big hole and only I can get myself out of it. I used to daydream a lot to escape reality, catch a breather but even this I cannot do anymore.
I will solve my problems as there is always a solution, but at this very point and time, I do not have anything more positive to relay.
I know the angel of positivity is still here and will show up once this significant storm is over. I also know that he is fighting as well.
Peace and serenity