Tested by the Forces.

Yesterday was a total emotional and factual rollercoaster.

The day started fine as I drove the boys to school and afterward I was on my way to Geneva to teach English.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I have performed an oil change on our two vehicles. I am always a bit apprehensive right after I work on the cars since I hate it so much and I am afraid of omitting to do something.

Once I’d reach Geneva, I will be able to check if the oil level is right and that no leak was around the oil filter or anywhere else.

Finally, I reached Geneva parked in an underground. Unfortunately, the space that  I was stationed in was poorly lit, and I had to use my smart phone’s flashlight to check the oil level which seemed to be fine but then the disaster happen. I dropped my phone in between the radiator fan and the engine block. I could see the phone but could grab it as my forearms are too big, I burned both of them badly as I was desperately trying to get my phone and preventing it from melting or burning which would have burned the car as well. But no luck, despite my efforts.

The clock was also ticking as I had my lesson to give. I had calculated enough time for me to have a sandwich but all that time went into trying to rescue the phone which is a brand new iPhone 8s. I decided to leave like this as I couldn’t call anybody for apparent reasons. I was hoping that a lady in the office would be able to help me as I thought a slimmer arm could reach it.

At this point, my anxiety was out of control as I was pacing back and forth and moaning. Suddenly a voice within me, a new one, told me to get a hold of myself and to regain composure as there was nothing that I could do at this time to solve this problem. I will have to attend to it after my English lesson which should take about 2 ½ hours. This new voice is the voice of positivity and a new one for me as I always listened to the negative voice, in time of stress throughout my life.

This was a first, and it worked.

I was able to conduct my English class normally, even though sometimes my mind was wondering if anything had burned. At the end of the course, my student asked me if I wanted her help. I was surprised and touched. The plan was first to try to extract the phone manually and if not to call for emergency. The Cosmic Forces were with me, and she was able to get the phone without any problem. Nothing had burned or melted, and my phone was functioning despite being piping hot. I was so happy and grateful that I offered my student a coffee or a drink which she accepted with pleasure.

I believed my share of problems were over for the day but no; early that evening, when I reached home and received a phone call from my wife telling me that she was stuck in town as her car acted up all day and now wasn’t starting at all. She was very calm despite the problem and so was I, thank my new way of looking at things. I looked at the positive; her, and the kids were safe, the car was parked in a legal spot, we still had daylight, and I was about to come down right away.

The problem seemed to be that I put too much new oil during the oil change which was preventing the car from working properly. I managed to restart the car and drove it back home. All of the above with total composure and calm. I hope this “new me” sticks around because I am really enjoying this type of disposition. It reduces the anxiety level and consumes less energy.

Today I was able to fix the car, and now everything is fine.

I am convinced that the Comic Forces wanted to test me, to see if this drastic change of frame of mind was serious, and to check how strong it was. I believe I have passed the test and will carry on practicing and get stronger with time.

To believe that I am not at risk of either depression or mania is ludicrous as we all know how powerful and unpredictable this illness is. But for the time being, I’ll keep focusing on positivity.

Peace and serenity





28 thoughts on “Tested by the Forces.

  1. I think we all have days like that. Usually eventually I manage to find the humour in things. A few weeks I was on a replacement (replacing trains because of works on the line.) It was a comedy of errors. First off, the front entrance was blocked and the driver had insisted everybody get on the rear entrance. Then he would forget to open the rear doors at a stop and nearly leave new passengers behind. This had culminated in him getting lost and heading off in totally the wrong direction. The “traumatised” passengers had in effect eventually staged a mutiny. We had all eventaually pleaded to be let off the bus at the first hint of civilisation and had found our own route. It was a bit upsetting at the time but I was soon laughing about it, like I am sure, were most of the other passengers.
    For me the saving grace is knowing in most instances, that one day I will eventually laugh about this.
    I have to say I saw the makings of a sitcom in your situation. I hope that does not sound unsympathetic but I could just see myself in your situation and knew what a mess I would have gotten into, trying to reach the phone.
    You did well to walk away, to get on with your lesson.
    Glad it all ended so well for you. Well done. 🙂
    As a side note part of me wonders whether our poor bus driver (minus passengers) is still driving around weeks later, trying to reach our original destination.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story and it is quite funny the way you’re describing the situation. Thank you as well for your support, I’ll do my best not to get lost (in my head) as your bus driver did.


      1. Thank you Lawrence. I really feel that this is the best thing for me now. I need to have a routine with number 1 so that i can get quality time with her. I have spent years working in fashion and as much as i love it the time has come for a career change. Change of direction and to prioritise the things that are most important in my life. These are number 1 and myself. I hope things are good for you today brother……..

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Lawrence, I did not know you are an English teacher… like me! I also teach German and am happy that positive thinking stays with you, that you are finding ways to deal better with your illness. As for your blog, it is wonderful for its honesty and courage, and obviously a great tool for you to express yourself and find better ways to handle your problems. Love the way you dealt with the situation here. It is also wonderful to find students of ours who help us out of hard times every now and then. Such experiences are incredibly rewarding for any teacher and help rise our self-esteem, a common problem we all teachers have. Society usually places too much responsibility on us where many things need to resolved within the family and within other areas like education policies, etc. However, we always try to do our best and my vision on our profession is definitely more positive than negative. Love my job, although it is highly stressful and demanding. The humane side, the fact you are helping people, and the creative part (you can do anything in a foreign language class!) are for me the best. By the way, I really appreciate your following my blog, a great tool for me to keep my self-esteem well balanced. If you want you can use some of my poems in your English classes as long as you give credit to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello there, What a lovely and positive message. Thank you so much for it. We do have lots of similarities, except for our students. I teach adults individually, they can be from all walks of life from mentally ill people to top executives. A lot of my work comes from the State Disability Insurance here in Switzerland, it can be quite tiring but very rewarding. I cannot teach large group as my illness gets in the way.
      Thank you for your kind words and compliments regarding my blog, I can return the compliment as I do enjoy your post a lot. Thank you for the offer about using your poems and I will definitely mention the author. By the way, you can do the same I would be honored. I re-discovered writing with this bloc, it is very therapeutic and as I indicated in my introductory post, this blog will be raw and true. I will try to translate my mind and feelings on paper hoping that it might help someone out there! Thank you again for your lovely message.

      Liked by 1 person

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