Today’s experience was surreal.
It felt a bit like a scene from the famous movie “fly over a cuckoo’s nest” in the sense that a person from a psychiatric staff, was relentlessly forcing me to do something that I didn’t want. She was right and knew better than me.
Let me tell how this happened and where it is coming from.
Three months ago my psychiatrist mentioned something vaguely to me regarding interventions in people home where they have a crisis with a bipolar. Which prompted me to write,Only bipolars can have bipolars listen to them. I was on this project as I could picture myself doing such thing. There wasn’t any doubt in my mind that I could do it. I, unfortunately, jumped the gun as I was so excited about this project.
During my last session with him, a few weeks ago; it turns out that, that I supposedly misunderstood what he meant. I know what I have heard as I wouldn’t be able to come up with such story if it hadn’t been told to me or maybe, I was not listening and wanted to hear what I wanted to and not what he said. What probably happened is that he didn’t word it correctly and left too much room for interpretation. But it’s okay I’m cool with it, everybody makes mistakes, and I think we both did. The bottom line is that he is a great doctor, whom I trust. This issue isn’t there.
Then he carried on and described what the real topic was all about, and this time I listened carefully. They want to try a new kind of therapy session where a psychiatrist works along with pharmacist. He thought about me, as he as seen my blog and knows me. I believe he expected me to lead the group as, according to him, I am knowledgeable, well informed and experienced about our illness and not afraid to talk. He never mentioned that it could have an added therapeutical value but was more of a new experience for me. Based upon this, I asked him if I was going to be paid for my time. The answer was negative, but they would pay for a cab to drive me back and forth from home to the meeting place which is about a 2-hour drive. He mentioned that someone would contact me and give me all the details.
Well, that someone called me today.
I wasn’t home, and my wife sent me a message to call her back as it sounded urgent and important. I called back as soon as I could. Once I’ve reached he, I mentioned my name and the reason I was calling for in a soft and kind voice that I have with everybody. Her mistake was that she took my kindness for a sign of weakness and weakness is not what she will remember. She went on with an authoritative voice and language which changed my disposition instantly. I mentioned what the doctor told me and his expectation for me to be the group leader. She rebuked it in half a second and said to me that it was necessary for me to attend these sessions as the topics will be “understanding our illness and how to avoid relapses”. I told her straight off that no one can be certain to avoid relapses, for one to believe it must be delusional furthermore I am not keen on the subjects at all. It will have no positive impact on me. Also, I have a blog and the all blogging community is my regular support group. She went on with a louder annoyed voice, saying that it is only a virtual world, implying that it is fantastical and unreal. She told me that I need to be in contact with real people like me.
I answered forcefully to all her garbage;
- the blogging community was anything but virtual, there are real people on the other side responding you or contacting you. People who know how it feels to be bipolar and live and fight with it daily. Unlike people like her who work with us and don’t have any clue.
- NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT I NEED OR DON’T unless I allow them to do so and she didn’t have the authority. I am 53, and psychiatrists have followed me since 1992.
- What does she mean by people like me? Are we some type of different species that I am not aware of?
I can assure you that she didn’t hear a word of what I’ve said as she carried on, on the same tone, by telling me that I have to contact another shrink to evaluate me for to attend the group meetings and it is urgent since the sessions will start in May.
Now, if they think that I’m going to see another shrink for some experiment of theirs, they are sorely mistaken. The only way I will see another doctor is if I choose to.
I asked when and how many sessions were scheduled? Five was the answer, and they will take place on a day that is incompatible with my schedule. I have to pick up the kids from school. Otherwise, they’ll be left to their own devices which is not an option. Also, I had a successful job interview with a firm nearby to be a freelance English teacher. She had the nerves to tell me that a job is less important than those meetings and entirely disregarded the conflict with the kids. This moron hasn’t read my file obviously as we are living under the poverty level and a job is what I need, and the doctor knows how important it is financially and for my self-esteem.
It is impossible to have a conversation with somebody who has a negative IQ. She has handled this all discussion as if I was inexistent. She had a mission which was to put this irrational mentally ill person who can’t think for himself in a group of other mentally ill people and make us all believe that after five sessions with them we will become relapse proof.
What a joke! Straight out of a movie, you can’t make up things like this!
To shut her up, I told her to send me by email all the details, and I will let her know whether I decide to join or not. That, she heard and was shocked as her silence spoke louder than her words.
Peace and serenity