I’ve tried with all I’ve got but couldn’t help to fall back into it.
I’ve just woke up from a 20 hours tormented sleep.
I am fully depressed with everything that comes with it for me which are: constant fear of anything, paranoia, procrastination and the noisy demons always at work to name the few important ones.
I hope that the slide into hell has stopped and that I don’t have a deeper episode to deal with.
I keep repeating myself that nothing last forever and I think that it is starting to work.
I know that all of you know the feelings that I am describing, maybe not in the same words, but you all know how it is to fall back into a depressive mode. Hopefully, this won’t last too long, but I have a feeling that I won’t get over it so quickly.
I thought that by writing and sharing this with you all would help me and it does already. It is comforting for me to know that there is a community out there that is very supportive and surrounding me.
It is the first time since I’ve started the blog that I am in such poor condition.
I saw it coming, as it isn’t the first time, and was hoping to avoid it. Too many negative variables were coming at once. I believe the final straw was my panic attack of last week based on a misunderstanding.
I have to try to stay awake in your company, sharing my thoughts and feelings, reading your posts. I must say that it is already lifting my spirit a bit, I don’t know how long it will last, but it is helping.
I don’t have much to say that is of any great significance except that if anybody could share with me what do you do when you’re in this situation. What does help you?
I am sure that there is a wealth of information amongst you which would help me. The most difficult to deal with, is this physical pain, that cold marble ball pressing on my sternum which I have no control over it and makes me nauseous. The physical pain is directly linked to all the feelings mentioned above and amplifies it, depending on the moment.
It seems that the ball is put there by the demons. They are having a filled day in between disrupting my attempts to calm down and to regain some peace in my head, to stop this constant noise caused by and keep feeding this ball to get more massive and more forceful.
As I mentioned, this isn’t the first time that I am on the hole, but I tend to forget how horrible it is to be in it. It is only then when I’m back in it that it that I honestly remember. Again I will fight it and try to find my way out. I am confident that with your support, I will get back out of it sooner rather than later. I thank you already in advance.
Peace and serenity