Bipolar Rages and Atheism.

Rage is the feeling that I have very little control over it. According to some research, bipolars are more prone to have incredibly intense rages. Mine are more or less potent depending on the situation at hand; they can range from volcanic to atomic forces.

They have one thing in common is that they are all very violent verbally, as I have an excellent physical self-control, thanks to the martial arts. It doesn’t mean that I don’t throw furniture, plates and more things around. Any subject or action can trigger it. There isn’t any pattern or any topic in particular. It depends on my mood and whether I am tired or not.

But, there is one subject that triggers me, nine times out of ten, is Atheism.

One of these rages happened last night. I managed to trigger myself with this sore subject. We were at the dinner table talking about several teenager topics such as sexuality, races and bi-racial problems (we are a bi-racial and open family). Suddenly somebody mentioned something about “God will provide” and I went ballistic and once the dust settled and the drama wore down, I felt guilty as usual.

But that remark launched this atomic rage for sure. I am sick and tired of these types of a statement such as “God will provide” “One shall ask and will receive” and so on. We are in dire straits, and I don’t see any solution coming from any Gods, anywhere.

You have to realize that I have been an atheist since I was about seven years old when I dared to confront the Pastor and asked him why God could perform all of these miracles and none today. I was referring to TV’s add in the early seventies from the Unicef showing children starving in Africa with their oversized belly bothered by flies due to their poor hygiene. Shocking pictures to broadcast and for children to see. I can still visualize them to this day. Versus us being happy with our families without hunger and medical problems.

That moron of a Pastor dared to say that it was due to the cruelty of humankind as God loves us and wants to protect us. Hence my question, still without any answer from this jerk, which was, if God was so powerful and almighty, created the earth, any living organism including us humans. If he was so powerful why didn’t he do anything to save these sick Africans kids? Please keep in mind this is coming from a seven years old child.They were other many incidents until the day I refuse to go to Protestant school. Despite the threats by my parents and the rest of the family who were hardcore Calvinist, I didn’t go.

Much later, around sixteen years old, they tried to lure me, in vain, to confirm my faith by buying me a gold Rolex. I did not confirm my baptism. And didn’t get the watch either!

To this day some people claim to respect us, Atheist. But when you meet these God-fearing people, you feel the disdain. Like we were brought to earth by Satan or whatever stupidity they can come up with. My wife and three sons are practicing Protestants, I respect their belief and they respect mine.

I have heard and was able to have it confirmed that a South East Asian country sentenced to death without trial to any Atheist. Please Mr. Ricky Gervais, don’t plan a tour there! I’m kidding around with some things (all real by the way). But the truth is that I am hurt and have been hurting for far too long by the Christians and any other religions. I accept and respect all, and I am convinced that the rest of us have a profound respect for any religion as well. The only thing we ask for is reciprocity, and we won’t even pretend to ask for your understanding.

I am going to quote Mr. Ricky Gervais. Not word for word because I don’t remember exactly how he put it but he mentioned something very profound. He said something like this; we Atheist do believe in something, to the contrary of common belief, we believe in life, and the present moment we live. And I will add to this that we don’t believe in life after death, once we are dead, we are dead and nothing more. So if the fact of not believing in a fairy tale after death makes us evil and pariah of society, then be it.

Not too far back, an uncle of mine explained to me the reason, and why I have this illness, it is because I rejected my religion and also because I didn’t become an officer in the army. The latest point is an entirely different chapter, and to this day, I still haven’t figured out why he said that.

In writing this article I have just found out another trigger point for me: injustice. As a very strong emotion went through my mind with anger.

Peace and serenity










25 thoughts on “Bipolar Rages and Atheism.

  1. I was raised in an atheist family, so I was never directly exposed to religion. I’ve found it an interesting topic to read other bloggers write about. It seems like something that can potentially be a wonderful source of hope, but also of tremendous stigma and invalidation.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. It could very well be. I know that I am constantly to search for some spirituality. I found peace in nature, I believe in vibes, positives or negatives when talking to people, vibes roaming in general, cosmic forces (example, tides). I go outside my house in the mountain, totally isolated and open my arms to the sky and pray to the universe by trying to emanate positive. I vibes. I practice mindfulness meditation.
        I love Buddha’s philosophy and I’d like to explore the Zen’s one.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think you were clear. I have to say Ihave known others who have been told this condition is a consequence of something like lack of faith. I think it is often society which has the problem-our lack of acceptance of anybody who dares to think differently. You need to find the right people to support you.
        Stay away from narrow-minded people, who do not accept you.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I grew up in a religious family as well, except mine is Buddhist. I was a good Buddhist until I moved to Canada and was exposed to so many different religions/perspectives, which caused me to question all the beliefs I was brought up with. I’d consider myself an agnostic now – atheist until convinced to be otherwise, I guess.
    I really relate to your struggles with your parents. My parents aren’t as forceful about these things, but my dad always gave me the “you’ll understand when you get older” look when I disagreed with his views. Religious people can be pretty extreme, though of course, they’re not all like that either.
    Thank you for sharing your experience!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Lawrence, very informative article. I have a bipolar friend and I have always admired bipolar people because of your high intelligence and capacity of creation. There are many bipolar artists, musicians, writers and scientists. As for atheism I assume it comes partly from personal beliefs and partly from a too strict religious education. I was lucky not to be a victim of this. My parents gave me an unusual liberal education although I come from a country with a Catholic tradition which is simply part of our culture. I think we need to respect all beliefs as you say, but not tolerate any fundamentalism in any of them. We ought to observe first as we usually prejudge too much. BTW, thanks for the follow.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I was raised in a strict Catholic family. I never fit, even as a little boy. I was always spiritual, but that was suppressed. I believe that had a lot to do with my rage factor. Today, I’m spiritual. I believe in a power greater than myself – man and nature. That’s my god. The rage is gone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We basically believe in the same thing and yes it is hard to break away from the family. My rages are still here but they are linked to my current condition. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read my post and commenting on it.


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